I didn’t live in a house that had a dishwasher in it. In fact, it didn’t have a garbage disposal or a microwave either. It was tiny, it was old and never remodeled, and it was home.
That being said, I’m not sure that I was formally taught how to properly load a home dishwasher while in True Life. It seems the kind of thing that common sense and practice can teach you all about. Now I must reiterate the fact that being annoying or even wrong does not make a person a bad person – as in Real Life, the ability to properly load a dishwasher is a point of contention. At times it is baffling how bad people are at it, or it would be, if the nightmares weren’t always adding an additional layer of purpose on top. To rephrase, I have seen seemingly intelligent human forms completely ignore common sense or physics while loading a dishwasher, and to make matters worse, I’m fairly certain that they do it on purpose for nefarious reasons.
Nefarious as in they are purposefully trying to push the idea that I think they are stupid, or at least capable of stupidity, with the intention of using it as an excuse to harm me in immeasurable ways. Combined with mind control, it’s a potent combination that has the added benefits of creating distrust, dislike, and an aura of bloated ego. Every time it happened, I could only know that what I was witnessing was objectively stupid and would be the one who is punished for it anyway.
I’m talking cups stacked up type of stupid. Bowls stacked sideways instead of facing down. Silverware all nestled together so that none of it gets cleaned. All of these things are objectively stupid, even more so when they are repeated behavior – and even more damning when compared to the washing by hand habits done by the same individuals. Again, bowls and cups stacked up. Things constantly stacked together so that nothing dries properly. Dishes not actually clean, but sponge and soap overused. And, to top it all off, these people thought they were the clean ones. Yes, really.
Talk about choosing your battles. That battle was lost before I could even reject fighting in it. I grew accustomed to just recleaning everything, rearranging the dishwasher everytime I opened it. If they’re behaving in such a way in order to have excuses to harm me they got what they were after either way. The possible “reasons” (they’re excuses) to harm me fold outward like the multiverse, almost like they had a checklist of things to make sure they were using against me:
- Overuse of water
- Needless waste of resources (soap, sponge, etc.)
- Use of body functions such as the eyes to see, the hands to feel
- Use of mental facilities for problem solving and interpreting data gathered by the body
- Waste of time
- Lack of perfection
- Negative thoughts
- Rejection of the delusion of “God”
- “Fighting” what feels unnatural
- etc, etc.
And all the boxes get ticked, everytime. But to do so wouldn’t be a difficult thing. I’m not going to fight it. It’s not truly correct, but it’s also not something that is worth my chosen time. So, you’re bad at dishes and you love yourself. Cool? I’m going to save my choices for things I actually have a choice in.
I am partially convinced that it was part of a campaign to keep my thoughts thinking about a specific person for whatever reason. I’ve wanted them to be away from my thoughts almost the moment I met them, but they (as well as the “controller”) continuously forced themselves onto me in almost every way they could, it seems like. No wonder I can remember their role in Mind Control, the “In-Between” a source of proof for the self, but a terrifying one. There has been relief from the forceful nature of it all since I left the house, since I left the city.
Even if it’s just the fact that I don’t have to deal with bad dishwasher habits (quite as much). I’m sure the boxes keep ticking anyway. A part of me hopes they love themselves enough when I’m not around to actually load the dishwasher properly, and therefore only have to run the dishes once before they’re clean. But, there is a mountain of molehills when talking about what I would hope for the humans of this world, and I’m pretty consistently afraid that my hope is a bad thing, used by evil in evil ways.
It is really easy to be bullied by anything that has more stability and power than you do. In fact, it might be the easiest thing I’ve ever done, since it’s the one putting the effort into being a bully. I’ll just accept the labels thrown my way, even when they contradict each other.
I will continue to fight, and even will continue to choose to fight, when a choice is offered and its worth it.
Passive Aggressive isn’t a trait that I wanted to be known for, but neither is dead or angry – and I am both.
Fuck You, We Matter 
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